My Heart, His Words

Let the Words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your site, O Lord.


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My God-Sized Dreams Unfolding

When Holley started her devotional series on God-Sized Dreams, I had no idea how it could or would apply to me. I gleaned & am still gleaning much from this series, as well as her book “You’re Made for a God-Sized Dream”

From the time I was a little girl, I’ve had this burning desire to be a mother.  I am the blessed step-mamma to my husbands beautiful little boy & can’t tell you how bitter sweet it’s been.  For a season, I thought I was never going to be able to have a child of my own, because in the early stages of my relationship with my husband (then boyfriend), after both of us going through horrible divorces with our exes, he chose to have a vasectomy.  They say that when going through a difficult time, never to make a big decision.

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As true as this statement is, neither of us were very wise in the decision to go through with the vasectomy. I didn’t want to pressure him against it, and he had good reasons for wanting it, so I just supported him.

Each year that passed after we were married on 9.10.2011, I agonized over the reality that I would never be able to have a child unless my husband had a vasectomy reversal.  I prayed, cried, talking with my closest friends, cried more, prayed more, & tried to just forget my life-long dream of being a mother.  I tried to convince myself that being a step-mamma was all that God wanted me to be.  However, no matter how hard I tried, my heart still ached to have a child of my own.  My prayer to God was much like Gideon’s when he laid the fleece before God each night.  Judges 6:35-37 I prayed: “if it is your will for us to have a child, then please change Tyler’s heart so that he will want a child & be willing to have the vasectomy reversal.  If it is NOT your will for us to have a child, please change my heart & give me contentment & peace about not being a mother.”

Fast forward to today & I am rejoicing over the fact that God answered my prayer & changed my husbands heart.  He had the vasectomy reversal the week before Thanksgiving (2013) & that became my Thanksgiving Prayer.  A year ago I didn’t think we would be where we are today. I had all but given up on my dream. However, God obviously has other plans for us.  We still aren’t pregnant yet & have no idea when we will be {& that is okay}, but to watch my God-Sized Dream unfolding before my very eyes brings tears to my face every time. It’s amazing to watch what God will do when we lay our hearts, broken & tattered at His feet; let go & let Him hold our hearts in His hands, molding & making beauty from ashes.

In addition to this God-Sized dream {as if one dream isn’t enough, right?}, I’m finally pursuing my life-long dream of writing. I’ve never felt like I had anything to offer the world in the way of words. I mean what will I write about? What do I say? How do I start? Where do I plug in? I’m definitely a “word girl”. I love writing & always have.  With much encouragement from my Mother, husband & a few of my closest friends, I’m taking a giant leap of faith & pursuing my writing through my blog, “My Heart, His Words”.  I hope you’ll join me on my journey.
Love,

Satin

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Pick me!

Remember in elementary school, being in the line-up to be picked for a game or sport? Standing there wondering when you’re gonna be picked?  Remember how exciting it was & how proud you felt to be picked first?  If you were picked last, remember feeling like you weren’t good enough or liked enough?  As adults, there aren’t always lines we stand in, waiting to be chosen, but there are opportunities we are given, or we’re passed up on because someone else is better.  Those dejected feelings never go away, no matter how old we are.
However, there is something we need to remember in those moments of dejection & that is this: to man we may not be good enough, but to & thru Jesus, we are good enough!  
Philippians 4:13 “I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”
Jesus picked us when He picked:
Noah to build the ark: he was laughed at & mocked for believing there would be a flood
Moses to lead the Israelites out of Egypt: in his anger, he murdered an Egyptian
Aaron to speak for Moses: he had a speech impediment
Rahab to save God’s people: she was a harlot
Miriam to lead God’s people for a season: she was the first woman leader
Joseph to save his family: he was hated by his brothers & sold off to Egypt
David to be King: he was ‘merely’ a shepherd boy
Mary to carry Jesus {Savior of the World}: she was a virgin, engaged to be married to Joseph
Zacchaeus to follow Jesus: he was a tax collector & not well-liked
Judas to be a huge part of history: he betrayed Jesus with a kiss
Saul later called Paul to preach the Gospel: he had killed many Christians
You & me to follow Jesus: He died for us on the cross to save us from sin & death
The Bible is full of timeless examples of how Jesus picked ordinary people & did extraordinary things through them.  He wants to do the same for you & me-we just have to allow Him.
Trust me, I struggle with feeling inadequate, unloved, unwanted, ugly, & undeserving at least once a day, if not for days at a time.  Here’s how I am working through this in my own life.
1)     Not wallowing in self-pity.
Psalm 42:5, “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.”
2)     Realizing my worth.
1 Corinthians 6:20 “you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”  Jeremiah 31:3 “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.”
3)     Obeying.  Not believing the lies that say I’m not good enough.
1 Peter 2:9 “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.”
Stop believing the lies. Embrace the Truth & walk in it.
He picks you & so do I…
Go… Do… Be
Love,
Satin


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Are you a current day Esther? {3}

You may read Part 1 here: {Part 1 of 3}

You may read Part 2 here: {Part 2 of 3}

{Part 3 of 3}

5) She used her voice to change history:
Esther 8:3-8, “Esther again pleaded with the king, falling at his feet and weeping. She begged him to put an end to the evil plan of Haman the Agagite, which he had devised against the Jews. Then the king extended the gold scepter to Esther and she arose and stood before him.  “If it pleases the king,” she said, “and if he regards me with favor and thinks it the right thing to do, and if he is pleased with me, let an order be written overruling the dispatches that Haman son of Hammedatha, the Agagite, devised and wrote to destroy the Jews in all the king’s provinces. For how can I bear to see disaster fall on my people? How can I bear to see the destruction of my family?”  King Xerxes replied to Queen Esther and to Mordecai the Jew, “Because Haman attacked the Jews, I have given his estate to Esther, and they have impaled him on the pole he set up. Now write another decree in the king’s name in behalf of the Jews as seems best to you, and seal it with the king’s signet ring—for no document written in the king’s name and sealed with his ring can be revoked.”
God used Esther in ways neither she, nor her Uncle Mordecai could ever fathom. Her obedience, her patience, her perseverance & her boldness placed her in a position of power, trust & influence.  This isn’t an easy place to get to, nor is it an easy place to maintain, but she did both with such grace.  What a Godly example of how to live our lives before God!
As I said earlier, at a time when evil is called good & good is called evil, putting our families, careers, and lives on the line is often something we, as believers, have to consider before opening our mouths.  For me, weighing the consequences of losing “everything” comes down to one simple fact.  If God has called me to this place, to speak His Truth, then even if I lose everything, I lose nothing because, 1) it’s all His anyway and 2) If I disobey & don’t speak His truth, I “gain it all but lose my soul,” so have I truly gained anything?
I share all this with tears rolling down my cheeks, because burning within me is this insane desire to see Christians WAKE UP from their slumber! We don’t have much time! Our freedoms are being stripped away, one “right” at a time and one “activist” at a time!!
When are we going to WAKE UP & realize that WE are the Esther’s of today??
STAND UP for what is right!! Our forefathers fought for our freedom of speech, yet here we stand, on the sidelines allowing people to take those freedoms away!! We can’t do this!
BE BOLD enough to say enough is enough!
BE STRONG, not cowards like some of the media avenues!
I will FIGHT with all that I am to preserve my FREEDOM OF SPEECH!
–           –           –           –           –           –           –           –           –           –           –           –           –
“For such a time as this”
♥,
Satin


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Are you a current day Esther? {2}

You may read Part 1 here: {Part 1 of 3}

{Part 2 of 3}
2) She didn’t rush God’s plan; she walked in patience & obedience:
Esther 2:10-12, “Esther had not revealed her nationality and family background, because Mordecai had forbidden her to do so. Every day he walked back and forth near the courtyard of the harem to find out how Esther was and what was happening to her.  Before a young woman’s turn came to go in to King Xerxes, she had to complete twelve months of beauty treatments prescribed for the women, six months with oil of myrrh and six with perfumes and cosmetics.”
Zechariah 3:7, “This is what the Lord Almighty says: ‘If you will walk in obedience to me and keep my requirements, then you will govern my house and have charge of my courts, and I will give you a place among these standing here.”
Being the planner that I am, having a goal clearly outlined, and a plan of action is very important to me.  Esther didn’t seem to have this problem. She was a woman who could “go with the flow” and simply walk in patience & obedience.  Had she gotten impatient with God’s timing, she could have messed everything up, which would have been catastrophic for the Jewish people. However, she stayed true to God & her people & patiently walked in obedience to Him.
3) She used her position of power for God’s glory & not her own gain:
Esther 2:21-22, “During the time Mordecai was sitting at the king’s gate, Bigthana and Teresh, two of the king’s officers who guarded the doorway, became angry and conspired to assassinate King Xerxes. But Mordecai found out about the plot and told Queen Esther, who in turn reported it to the king, giving credit to Mordecai.”
When given a position of power, human beings naturally struggle to maintain humility. However, in this case, Esther remained pure before God & simply used her budding position of power for God’s glory.   This was only the beginning of God using her voice…
4) She boldly took a stand, at the risk of her own death:
Esther 4:10-11, “Then she instructed him to say to Mordecai, All the king’s officials and the people of the royal provinces know that for any man or woman who approaches the king in the inner court without being summoned the king has but one law: that they be put to death unless the king extends the gold scepter to them and spares their lives. But thirty days have passed since I was called to go to the king.’”
Esther 4:15-16, “Then Esther sent this reply to Mordecai: “Go, gather together all the Jews who are in Susa, and fast for me. Do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. I and my attendants will fast as you do. When this is done, I will go to the king, even though it is against the law. And if I perish, I perish.”
Joshua 1:9, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
Please join me here for Part 3
Until Then,
Satin


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Are you a current day Esther? {1}

{Part 1 of 3}
Regardless of ones views on homosexuality, the greater issue I have with the whole Phil Robertson/Duck Dynasty attack is the huge risk we have of losing our freedom of speech!  If we can’t see that, then we really need to wake up!
I often refer to my favorite political figure, Sarah Palin, as being a current day Esther; the reason I say this is because she, like Esther, has been called for such a time as this, to speak Truth to those willing to hear.  However, is she alone? How about you & me? Aren’t we too called for such a time as this?  Is it not our civil duty as Christians, to boldly stand up for the Word of God?
Esther 4:14, “For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?” 
I’d like to give a little history on Esther: she came from a family where she was cared for by her Uncle Mordecai because she lost both of her parents to death.  When King Xerxes ordered that “all the single ladies” be brought to the palace, Esther was no doubt afraid; after all she was Jewish. The opportunity she was given to be part of the King’s harem was a dream for most women, much less a Jewish woman.  Yet even in the midst of the glitz & glamour, when given the instructions by Uncle Mordecai that her voice was needed to save her people, she did not focus on the potential fame & fortune; she clung to her Lord & in doing so became the most influential voice in King Xerxes palace! How is that for power?
During a day and age when the media promotes right as wrong & wrong as right, all I can do is point to the Bible & get my direction from Christ.  Esther’s example ignites within me a fire of passion to stand up for what I believe & to unashamedly & boldly speak what God has placed on my heart.
The steps that I see Esther having taken back then, I will be presenting to you for life-application today, in a 3-part series.
1) She was afraid, but she didn’t let fear paralyze her:  
Psalm 27:3, “Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then I will be confident.”
Isaiah 41:10, “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
I know, first hand, how it feels to walk into a situation with my knees shaking from the fear of rejection, or fear of backlash. However, I have also seen, first hand, that obedience to God in these situations yields far greater results than I could ever imagine: open doors where I didn’t see a door, softened hearts that were hardened like rocks and favor when I was despised.  Identifying the call, and walking in obedience, defuses fear & the author of fear {Satan}.  Allowing fear to paralyze us only hinders The Call that God has placed on our lives & delays His message and/or work.
Please join me here for Part 2.

Until then…
♥,

Satin


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Don’t let life dim your Sparkle

I purposed in my heart a month ago to S L O W down, relax & enjoy the holidays, yet here I am a week away from Christmas & feeling stressed out.  Being the planner that I am, I can proudly say that I finished my Christmas shopping, most of it has arrived, and what hasn’t arrive will be here this week.  The only thing left for me to do is wrap the presents & enjoy the time with our family.

You’re probably wondering, “Why are you stressed out then?”  Well, it’s simple really, my life-plate is pretty full on a daily basis. I juggle a full-time job, run a ‘side’ business with my husband, part-time co-parent with my husband (split custody), care for our home & try to spread our time between our family, and friends. Throw all that in with later nights at work, trying to get into a new exercise routine, holiday parties, wanting to start my blog & any other last minute things that come up & well, ya here I am trying really hard not to stress out at Christmas!

Anyone else in the same boat as me? My heart longs for peace & calm this time of year. I turn my Christmas tunes on & try to keep myself in a “sparkly” mood… but life just has a way of sucking that sparkle right out!

I’m thinking that I’m not alone in these feelings {okay, kinda hoping that’s the case so I’m not ‘abnormal’ ha ha}.  If I’m not alone then let me share with you how I’m presently working through the stress I’m feeling.

I’m working on these areas in my life: 
1) Keeping my heart & mind centered on Christ!  Remembering that it is the Holy Spirit within me Who gives that sparkle, takes the pressure off me & my performance & rests it in His hands. {what a relief! I don’t actually have to ‘do’ more!} Allowing Him to shine through me brings sparkle to each & very moment of my day! Joshua 22:5 “But be very careful to keep the commandment and the law that Moses the servant of the Lord gave you: to love the Lord your God, to walk in obedience to him, to keep his commands, to hold fast to him and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul.”

2) Reminding myself of my goal this Christmas: Achieving peace & enjoying the season!  Proverbs 14:30 “A heart at peace gives life to the body…”

3) Stopping & regrouping when I am stressing out! My tendency is to work through the stress & check off the things on my to-do list. However, when I do this, I find myself getting snappy at the people I love the most… losing my sparkle!  I’m really trying to just STOP & think about what I’m doing. Doing this forces me to reevaluate my tasks & re-prioritize! Not everything has to be done right now simply because it’s on my list! This concept is a difficult one for me to embrace; I’m actively learning through this one!! Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”  Psalm 46:10 “Be still, and know that I am God;”

4)  Staying full of gratitude.  Choosing to focus on being grateful for God’s many blessings this past year forces me out of the stressed-out mindset!  Often times my stress comes from not feeling like I’m doing enough, giving enough, have enough or accommodating enough.  Maintaining an attitude of gratitude allows me to see the beauty in the midst of chaos.
1 Thessalonians 5:18 “give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 

May the joy of the Lord be your strength today & always!

Sparkle on, friend!

Love,
Satin


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Beauty in Chaos

As I mentioned in a previous post “The Dreaded ‘C’ Word: Cancer” one of the areas I’m working on in my life is finding beauty in chaos.  The wheels have been turning inside my head as I try to wrap my brain around this new concept for the Type-A personality that I am! {smile}  As I struggle within, I thought it would be nice to share with you my friend: my struggle & my learning.

The first verse that comes to mind when I say the words “Beauty in Chaos” is Isaiah 61:3:
“and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor”

It’s amazing to me actually, how God has the keen ability to take something so ugly it was burned to ashes, and still make it beautiful.  I think of Psalm 66:10-12:“For you, God, tested us; you refined us like silver. You brought us into prison and laid burdens on our backs. You let people ride over our heads; we went through fire and water, but you brought us to a place of abundance.”

Rarely, in Bible times, did God’s people achieve abundance, or the Promised land, without pain, suffering, hard work & lessons learned. What makes me think that I am any different? Learning to find Beauty in Chaos means that even in the midst of my valleys, my hardships, my pain & my frustration, God gives me the ability to reach out to Him & in looking at His face in these moments-I see absolute, perfect beauty. Job says, Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him; I will surely defend my ways to his face.” Job 13:14-16.  If anyone knew pain, this man did & yet he still chose to put his hope in God.

I’m working on these areas in my life:
1) Remembering where I am, why I’m here & Who placed me here. Doing this allows me to put things into perspective, set my priorities straight & focus on the things God’s called me to do right here, right now.  Serving the people I love the most, with love & kindness, shutting out the lies of the enemy & pressing forward, not looking back.  Philippians 3:14 “I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”

2) When I get overwhelmed with the chaos around me, reminding myself that I’m in the Refiners fire & that it is here that I will learn & grow the most. Realizing this empowers me to tap into the power of the Holy Spirit & not rely on my own strength or understanding.  Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;”  It keeps me focused on my innate need for Christ & my inability to handle the chaos without Him.

Will you find beauty in chaos with me? For some of you, you’re gifted with the ability to do this naturally & from you I am learning! {smile}  Thank you for your example & if you have any words of wisdom, I am listening.

Have a beautifully chaotic day friend! ♥

Love,
Satin