My Heart, His Words

Let the Words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your site, O Lord.

My God-Sized Dreams Unfolding

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When Holley started her devotional series on God-Sized Dreams, I had no idea how it could or would apply to me. I gleaned & am still gleaning much from this series, as well as her book “You’re Made for a God-Sized Dream”

From the time I was a little girl, I’ve had this burning desire to be a mother.  I am the blessed step-mamma to my husbands beautiful little boy & can’t tell you how bitter sweet it’s been.  For a season, I thought I was never going to be able to have a child of my own, because in the early stages of my relationship with my husband (then boyfriend), after both of us going through horrible divorces with our exes, he chose to have a vasectomy.  They say that when going through a difficult time, never to make a big decision.

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As true as this statement is, neither of us were very wise in the decision to go through with the vasectomy. I didn’t want to pressure him against it, and he had good reasons for wanting it, so I just supported him.

Each year that passed after we were married on 9.10.2011, I agonized over the reality that I would never be able to have a child unless my husband had a vasectomy reversal.  I prayed, cried, talking with my closest friends, cried more, prayed more, & tried to just forget my life-long dream of being a mother.  I tried to convince myself that being a step-mamma was all that God wanted me to be.  However, no matter how hard I tried, my heart still ached to have a child of my own.  My prayer to God was much like Gideon’s when he laid the fleece before God each night.  Judges 6:35-37 I prayed: “if it is your will for us to have a child, then please change Tyler’s heart so that he will want a child & be willing to have the vasectomy reversal.  If it is NOT your will for us to have a child, please change my heart & give me contentment & peace about not being a mother.”

Fast forward to today & I am rejoicing over the fact that God answered my prayer & changed my husbands heart.  He had the vasectomy reversal the week before Thanksgiving (2013) & that became my Thanksgiving Prayer.  A year ago I didn’t think we would be where we are today. I had all but given up on my dream. However, God obviously has other plans for us.  We still aren’t pregnant yet & have no idea when we will be {& that is okay}, but to watch my God-Sized Dream unfolding before my very eyes brings tears to my face every time. It’s amazing to watch what God will do when we lay our hearts, broken & tattered at His feet; let go & let Him hold our hearts in His hands, molding & making beauty from ashes.

In addition to this God-Sized dream {as if one dream isn’t enough, right?}, I’m finally pursuing my life-long dream of writing. I’ve never felt like I had anything to offer the world in the way of words. I mean what will I write about? What do I say? How do I start? Where do I plug in? I’m definitely a “word girl”. I love writing & always have.  With much encouragement from my Mother, husband & a few of my closest friends, I’m taking a giant leap of faith & pursuing my writing through my blog, “My Heart, His Words”.  I hope you’ll join me on my journey.
Love,

Satin

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4 thoughts on “My God-Sized Dreams Unfolding

  1. You, dear Satin, are a writer! That gift mixed with your genuine heart makes music with words. You open your heart to us and allow us to watch God’s miracles unfold. You are inspiring to me!

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  2. Pingback: So I Wait | My Heart, His Words

  3. Pingback: A Year of Believing | My Heart, His Words

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