I’m a sensitive person. I’ve been told that since I was a little girl, and bless my heart, I’ve worked at not being so sensitive, but the truth is, God made me sensitive so there’s got to be a reason, right?
I used to sing on the worship team at church. Occasionally I was blessed with the opportunity to sing a solo, for which I would pray & carefully select my song. I always had a knack for choosing songs that were from the heart; ones that made me cry when I sang them (ha ha). My dad was my vocal coach for these moments & while he loved my passion, he would always remind me that the message gets lost in the tears. So I worked & worked at getting the tears to fall before I got on that platform to present my song, so they wouldn’t “ruin” my message. However, I was never that successful! I wouldn’t completely break down & cry, but I would mess up a few words, choke the tears back & continue on. Regardless of my tears, the message was still clear: I was a willing vessel Jesus could use.
Fast forward to today, I’m sitting at my computer, typing a post for my blog and the tears start rolling. It’s like déjà vu, but 15 years later! I’m the girl trying to present a message from the heart, with tears rolling down her face. Even as I read my posts to my husband for proofing, I can’t choke back the tears! I stop, hang my head & just sob as I push out the words, “I can’t ever read these posts without crying!”
I remember, at the young age of 2, standing in our living room at Christmastime & my daddy asking me to sing Jesus Loves Me. He wanted to record me singing, so he handed me a microphone, cued the recorder & told me to go for it. I started singing, and then started crying. I wasn’t crying because I was scared or didn’t want to sing, I was crying because I was singing from my heart!
In reflecting on these tearful moments, I’m realizing that when I do anything from my heart, I cry. The place where I am most vulnerable, the place where I am the purest, is a place where the tears flow freely & my heart-message can be heard.
So when the tears fall, I have two choices: I can either choke them back & squelch the Holy Spirit at work in my heart, or I can let them flow freely, embracing His touch in my life & allow Him to use me. I choose the latter. It may not be pretty or elegant & I may end up with mascara running down my cheeks, but when the message is sent, I know in my heart that it came from the purest place within me & there is nothing in the world any greater.
Tears did fall today… 🙂