The planner in me, is forever asking “What’s next?” After a great success, I rarely take much time to celebrate or even rest before I’m off & running to the next project, task or goal. “Go, go, go!” is just how I’m wired!
Right now, my life is filled to the brim. I work a full-time job, run a “side” business with my husband, help raise his son, we’re trying to conceive & now I’m blogging! My cup runneth over, no doubt!
Today, I find myself asking, “What’s Next?” Not because I don’t have enough on my plate already, but because I’m questioning my boundaries as well as my focus & goals. (Check out this amazing post I read today on boundaries!)
We’re trying to conceive & I’m trying not to fret about it. As my Mom says, “Let nature takes it’s course. Not everything has to be so scientific.” She’s right you know!? We live in a world that constantly strives to understand every dot & tiddle, tries to map out every journey & tries to predict the outcome of every situation. Where is God in all of that? Don’t get me wrong, I’m a planner, I understand the need for, & crave order, organization & planning. However, I love the saying I occasionally see that says, “I plan, God laughs”.
Being 35, and trying to conceive, a few well-meaning people in my life, have asked if I’m using an ovulation predictor kit, or if I plan on trying Clomid to “boost” my chances of pregnancy. My heart clearly says “no thank you” to all outside help. However, I’d be lying if I told you that the planner in me isn’t tempted to try at least the ovulation predictor kits. I’m a planner… why not plan this? However, this is precisely the thing I feel God whispering to my heart:
At this time in my life, God is truly breaking, molding & making me into the woman He desires me to be. I keep finding myself at a state of brokenness, right when I feel like I have it all together. It’s humbling to know I really don’t have it all together, it’s challenging to let go, and it’s exciting because it’s bringing a little spontaneity into my over-planned life!
So if it takes me a year to get pregnant, then I choose to accept that as part of God’s plan. I may not understand it, I may not even like it, but my heart chooses to trust the very God who made me in my mother’s womb & who numbered every hair on my head. I choose to trust the God who hung the moon & stars, who has placed a call on my life, planted the desire of motherhood in my heart & blessed me with a husband willing to give me the greatest desires of my heart. I choose to trust God.
How about you? Is there something you’re holding on so tightly to, for fear that if you let go, God will forget? Friend, I feel your pain, I understand your worry, but I am here to say, God’s timing can’t be beat! He’s got it under control… He & only He knows what’s next!