Tears are forming in my eyes as I sit here tonight writing this. Originally, I deleted my scheduled post because I just didn’t feel brave enough to share the backstory to my God-sized Dreams. But here I am, shaking in my slippers & praying God can use my testimony to bless & encourage you.
When I introduce myself as flawed & messy, it’s because I’m truly just that. My past is tattered with two failed marriages, physical & emotional abuse & adultery. I used to be in church ministry, attended regularly, and was betrayed there as well. I’ve made mistakes I’m not proud of, hurt people I never intended to hurt & been wounded by people I trusted far more than I should have.
I’m flawed & messy, but God’s love, grace, forgiveness & healing have touched my life in ways I could never have imagined.
I am happily married to my best friend (Tyler), who has a beautiful little boy with whom I love as though he were my own. Tyler loves & accepts me, in spite of my past, because it is through all the pain, the failures & the healing that God molded me into the woman I am today & the woman he fell in love with. I can’t begin to tell you how amazing it feels to be loved this much. To be accepted, appreciated & cherished for being me. I’m safe in Jesus & He’s given me a husband with whom my heart is also safe.
I’ll be honest with you. One of the biggest reasons I’ve held back my dreams is because I’ve carried this lie of a scarlet letter on my forehead. The one that says because of my past failures, I’m unfit to be used by God. The lie that says my past doesn’t warrant God’s blessings. Lies that ask, how could God use me to encourage others when I hurt so many in my past. Who would want to hear from me? What do I have to offer other than a tattered past?
I wish that hearing Jesus whisper those words to my heart, would mean I’m not scared anymore, but truth is, I’m still scared. I’m scared of being judged. I’m scared of being talked about. I’m scared of being betrayed. However, I’m walking through those fears with Jesus!
When Jesus speaks, it is Truth & when He forgave me, He gave me a clean slate.
People may judge me, people may talk about me & people may betray me, but Jesus has forgiven me & sees me as beautiful.
Jesus Words for me are pure & true! I choose Jesus over fear.
How about you? Is your past holding you back from the Dreams God has for you?
I can’t encourage you enough to grasp the hand of the Dream Giver, and embark on the journey He has for you.
The journey to healing won’t be easy, you may not know what’s next, but with Jesus by your side, you’re sure to make it through!