My Heart, His Words

Let the Words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your site, O Lord.

Journey to Rest (Week 1)

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rest

I was eight years old, it was summertime, and oh how I loved to read!  Working in the yard was never my first choice for my summer days, but it had to be done nonetheless.  This particular day, my mom headed out to the yard to work and told me she would let me know when she was ready for my help; until then I was free to read my book. So, I curled up on the couch, and started reading.

I was soaking up the words within my book, when the kitchen door opens and my dad walks in.  He takes one look at me and says, “Don’t be lazy!  Get outside and help your mom with the yard work!”

Lazy.

I’m lazy if I’m reading a book for pleasure.

I’m lazy if I’m relaxing while someone else is working.

I’m lazy if I’m enjoying time alone.

I’m lazy if I’m not being productive.

I’m lazy.

Looking back, it’s not a big deal, it was a little misunderstanding.  I realize my dad didn’t actually tell me all of these things, nor did he intend to send such a message.  However, at eight, the message it sent was so powerful, it has haunted me, my entire adulthood.

I have an unhealthy drive to strive.

Striving to be belong.

Striving to be good enough.

Striving to be understood.

Striving to succeed.

Striving to be loved.

That summer day, I lost a little piece of my heart; I lost my ability to rest peacefully. To just be.  That day I started believing that in order to belong, be good enough, be understood, to succeed and to be loved, I needed to DO something. I needed to prove myself. Work harder, accomplish things.

Sitting around resting meant I was lazy. I had to be moving, doing and accomplishing.

So, I started on a journey of striving; living my life in a constant state of motion, never free to rest.

Until lately.

I’m finally hearing the voice of Jesus calling me to REST.

It’s scary, unfamiliar, and yet comforting all in one.

Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden,
and I will give you rest.

Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me,
for I am gentle and humble in heart, and
you will find rest for your souls.
 

For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”
Matthew 11:28-30

How about you, friend?

Do you find yourself constantly striving? Is there a falsehood you have embraced about rest that needs to be changed? I’d love to hear your story, or pray with you on your journey. Feel free to comment below, message me privately, or join us for Bonnie’s Whitespace Linkup.

I’m looking forward to sharing my journey with you again next Thursday, June 12, 2014.

Until then, Rest in Him.

love satin2

 

You may purchase Finding Spiritual Whitespace, HERE.
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This post is part of the  “Finding Spiritual Whitespace Blog Tour” which I am honored to be a part of, along with a group of soulful, journeying kindreds. To learn more or to join us, CLICK HERE!

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26 thoughts on “Journey to Rest (Week 1)

  1. I absolutely LOVE this!!! It’s almost scary how much we are alike! I know that God has His hand in this and I’m so excited to see where He leads us!
    Beautiful words my friend ❤

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  2. Satin, oh how I loved this because I can so identify with all you shared and now I’m anxious to come visit to sit and rest and share about our struggles to allow ourselves that time to rest and to stop thinking we need to strive for more to be more. I just loved your honest heart here. Thank you, friend. ❤ you.

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  3. Satin,
    Your words hit me like a ton of bricks. Due to experiences in my childhood, I have never felt worthy, sufficient, truly and deeply loved. I always feel I have to strive and excel in order to garner any love and recognition.
    I pray this journey of soul rest enriches you and brings you peace.
    You are a beautiful writer and a beautiful daughter of God.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for stopping by, Nicole. I’m so grateful to know you could relate to my story. I look forward to walking through my Journey of Rest with you, in the weeks to come. Blessings to you, precious one! ♥

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  4. Satin,
    Thank you so much for sharing this piece of your wounded heart. I pray that you find a tender reception of love, acceptance and grace from those you are in community with, online and inRL. We know the Lord saw and sees and His beautiful invitation to rest with freedom to simply sit is offered to you (to us) every single day. So good!

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  5. So incredible, isn’t it, to realize just where and when we internalized messages that impact our hearts and so many areas of our lives? Thank you, Satin, for your courageous sharing here. It is a beautiful, poignant light on this pathway to Rest. xo

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I don’t remember when or how my journey of living life on the go started. But now, I find myself in a season where I almost fear slowing down, because I am afraid of what He might tell me, ask of me, ask me to lay down. Oh this journey of stillness can be so hard at times, but I know it’s so necessary! Hugs!

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    • Barbie, I understand the fear, yet He never, EVER asks us to let go of anything that will hurt us-it only helps us, grows us, strengthens us… it truly is a good thing. Our flesh is the only thing that fights full surrender! Praying for you on your journey to rest. Love to you! ♥

      Liked by 1 person

  7. This post brings tears to my eyes, Satin. I so identify with it. Words from our dads can hurt deeply, whether intentionally or not. I always feel so guilty and like I’m wasting time if it’s spent on nurturing myself. Glad to be joining you on this journey of rest. Thank you for sharing so openly. You have touched my heart today.

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    • Trudy, Thank you so much for stopping by today! Praying for you, that Jesus will carry you through this time of rest. “Peace be still” Much Love to you! ♥

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  8. I needed to hear those words and understand “how to” rest in Him.
    Thank you Satin.xo

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  9. Wow! Amazing how words can go so deep! The more I read your words, the more I see how we are alike – the striving, the working, the searching. “That summer day, I lost a little piece of my heart; I lost my ability to rest peacefully.” I am trying to get that ability back little by little. Thanks for this reminder that it is worth it! Oh, someday, I hope to meet and we can chat and sit and truly rest in the knowledge that He is all we need! XO

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    • Thank you for stopping by, Angie & for your sweet words of encouragement! We’re in this together! Do hope we can meet sometime!! Allume this year?? I’ll be there! 😉

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  10. I an so proud of you for the courage to rest and find your wings as you let go of the striving. Even more so for sharing your journey and inspiring others in theirs. And this is just the beginning…God bless you for your beautiful, brave heart Satin!. Look forward to hearing where your restfulness takes you and what it brings.

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