I was eight years old, it was summertime, and oh how I loved to read! Working in the yard was never my first choice for my summer days, but it had to be done nonetheless. This particular day, my mom headed out to the yard to work and told me she would let me know when she was ready for my help; until then I was free to read my book. So, I curled up on the couch, and started reading.
I was soaking up the words within my book, when the kitchen door opens and my dad walks in. He takes one look at me and says, “Don’t be lazy! Get outside and help your mom with the yard work!”
I’m lazy if I’m reading a book for pleasure.
I’m lazy if I’m relaxing while someone else is working.
I’m lazy if I’m enjoying time alone.
I’m lazy if I’m not being productive.
Looking back, it’s not a big deal, it was a little misunderstanding. I realize my dad didn’t actually tell me all of these things, nor did he intend to send such a message. However, at eight, the message it sent was so powerful, it has haunted me, my entire adulthood.
I have an unhealthy drive to strive.
Striving to be belong.
Striving to be good enough.
Striving to be understood.
Striving to succeed.
Striving to be loved.
That summer day, I lost a little piece of my heart; I lost my ability to rest peacefully. To just be. That day I started believing that in order to belong, be good enough, be understood, to succeed and to be loved, I needed to DO something. I needed to prove myself. Work harder, accomplish things.
Sitting around resting meant I was lazy. I had to be moving, doing and accomplishing.
So, I started on a journey of striving; living my life in a constant state of motion, never free to rest.
I’m finally hearing the voice of Jesus calling me to REST.
It’s scary, unfamiliar, and yet comforting all in one.
“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden,
and I will give you rest.
Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me,
for I am gentle and humble in heart, and
you will find rest for your souls.
For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”
How about you, friend?
Do you find yourself constantly striving? Is there a falsehood you have embraced about rest that needs to be changed? I’d love to hear your story, or pray with you on your journey. Feel free to comment below, message me privately, or join us for Bonnie’s Whitespace Linkup.
I’m looking forward to sharing my journey with you again next Thursday, June 12, 2014.
Until then, Rest in Him.