My Heart, His Words

Let the Words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your site, O Lord.


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Choosing To Believe

butterfly on many flowers

My last two posts have been about my struggle to fully be where I am and to release my control and fear to Jesus, clinging to His promise to always provide.

The word God impressed on my heart as for 2014, was believe. (Read more here)  God whispered to my heart, that this would be the year to take my belief from a verbal statement, to an action; a movement, a calling.

It amazes me how God always prepares His children for what is to come, even with just a word, if only we will have ears to hear!  Eight months ago I had no idea that I would be quitting my job of seven years to pursue our business full time!

Two weeks ago when I tendered my resignation to my employer, I had full intentions of working full-time through October 31st, helping with training and transition.

However, last week was horribly stressful for me. I ended up at home with migraines 2 of the 5 work-days. The stress of resigning, while still trying to keep everyone happy was taking it’s toll on my body, and God’s direction became clearer than ever: let go & fully believe His promise to provide.

When my heart says yes, sometimes God says no.

My heart longs to please people, and to be secure, yet God is asking me to let go of both.

I’ve never fully understood God’s ways, I just know them to be the best, so I often find my self blindly following His lead, while shaking my head dumbfounded at why!?

Before tendering my resignation, I had looked over our finances and felt confident that we could afford for me to quit on October 31st. I knew, “in the future”, God would need to provide, but we were good “until then”.

Quitting earlier than I had intended, puts me in a tail spin of head shaking and questioning why God is asking me to quit now and not when it looks to be easier! I am smiling as I type this, because truth is, believing God isn’t about seeing the results today! Believing God is about seeing His direction today and trusting His promises for tomorrow!

So on Monday, I revised my resignation, told my boss that Friday (tomorrow) would be my last day working full-time and that I’d be willing to work 20 hours a week until the end of September, in order to help with the training & transition.

I had to let go. I had to choose to believe God’s promise to provide and I had to accept “no” from my boss. The initial rejection of my offer hurt at my deepest core. It made me feel worthless and unappreciated.  I struggled feeling guilty for choosing obedience to God & my overall health & happiness, over choosing my boss.

However, as a result of my obedience and acceptance of God’s no, God changed my bosses heart! He found value in my position and accepted my gracious offer to help with the training and transition, and on my terms (God’s terms!).

When God promised He would always provide, He never promised it would be easy to believe that promise, but submitting to His will and choosing to believe, always yields the best results!

I am so grateful for this current chapter of my life; the one where God is teaching me the beauty of believing! I look forward to this next chapter and all He has in store for me and my family!

Thank you for your words of encouragement, love and prayers-you’re such a blessing to my life!

How may I pray for you, friend?

love satin2

 

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I enjoy linking up with these (3) fabulous communities:
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You’re in Better Hands

taking my life back

In last week’s post “Be All There” I shared about my full-time job and my lack of peace in leaving yet, in order to work full-time on our business.

In 2012, when my husband and I first started Pelfreybilt Off-Road, God spoke this promise to me:

“I will always provide” 

He didn’t say He would provide sometimes, or maybe, or if I prayed hard enough, He said always. And He has always made good on that promise, even when it looked like bills would not be paid.  Always, God provided.

As you know, I typically post on Wednesday or Thursday, but this week that didn’t happen because I’ve been wrestling with God over this promise, and my fear of letting go and fully trusting Him.

I’ve been saying in one breath that I trust God and that He’s never failed me, yet in the next breath saying I’m afraid of letting go of a full time job that comes with the (false) security blanket of a steady income!

The reason I haven’t had peace about leaving my job, is because I’ve been waiting for peace to come after the black and white of our finances proved to me that God will provide. Instead of putting my complete trust in the One who promised to provide, instead of choosing to find my security in the only One who is secure, I’ve been clinging to something fleeting & temporary.

I have been clinging to my job for stability, instead of clinging to the Ultimate Stabilizer, the very one who stabilized the raging storms with three small words: “Peace, Be Still” (Mark 4:39)

False security and fear stems from unbelief in Jehovah Jireh, Our Provider.  (Genesis 22:14)

In my prayer time, God asked me “How can I fully bless you, when you won’t let go long enough to embrace what I’m giving you?”  He showed me, my lack of faith in His provision, has caused me to cling so tightly to my false security, that I couldn’t see the life and joy I was squeezing right out of my hands!

Lifeless

Joyless

Empty

Miserable

These have been the words of my heart as of late, as I desperately cling to false security.

I just started reading Hands Free Mama, by Rachel Macy Stafford, and in her intro she says these words:

“How do I do it all?
I miss out on life-that’s how I do it all.
I miss out on what truly matters;
and what I miss, I can’t get back.”

After wrestling with God, I actually sat down and looked over our finances and for the first time, began to see, that we truly could afford for me not to work anywhere but in our business.  God also opened my eyes to see the LIFE and JOY I will be regaining by taking this leap of faith!

I’m tired of missing out, so I’m letting go, friend! I gave my verbal resignation to my employer on Friday and will be leaving October 31, 2014.  (I’m helping with the hiring, training & transition process)

The peace and JOY that now floods my heart and mind is inexpressible!  I’m getting my life back, the one God has so richly blessed me with; I’m taking it back and releasing my fears to the One who holds my tomorrows and who promises to provide today!

I am truly in the best hands and so are you, sweet friend, so are you!

love satin2


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Be All There

wherever you are-be all there

Last week I wrote about waiting, and focused the post on my current wait for a baby.  What I didn’t mention is that, in addition to waiting for a baby, I am also waiting for God to open the doors for me to lay aside my full-time job, so I can start working full-time from home, on the business my husband and I run together (Pelfreybilt Off-Road).

When I read Jim Elliot’s quote, the verse from Luke 16:10 came to mind:

“Whoever can be trusted with very little
can also be trusted with a lot.
Whoever is dishonest with very little
is dishonest with a lot.”

In all honestly, my attitude has been less than desirable lately. I go to bed and wake up dreading work, and while I’m there I’m often grumbling under my breath about being there.

I’ve been asking God to deliver me from the current mess at my work, while asking Him why He hasn’t opened the doors for me to leave, so I no longer have to balance two jobs, while caring for my family.  I see Him moving mountains and opening doors; our business is growing and I see light at the end of the tunnel.  However, I just don’t feel at peace quitting my job, yet. So I Wait.

When I read the quote by Jim Elliot my heart sank.

How can I ever expect God to bless our business, and honor the fruit of my labor, if only part of my labor is done with a pure heart?

How can God bless me, when I’m cursing him, through my actions of disbelief, by not exhibiting a good attitude where He has called me to serve, today?

As confident as I am that God will be moving me on soon, God cannot bless when my heart is impure, my actions are lacking integrity, and I am failing to be faithful in the small things He has called me to, for this season of my life.

In the past, my Mom and I have discussed how certain challenges, often present themselves as tests. If we fail them the first time, we have to keep repeating them until we pass!  That said, until God finds me faithful in the small things, the mundane things, and the less desirable things, He cannot bless me with the bigger things.

The flip side of Luke 16:10 comes from Luke 12:48:

“If you are given much,
much will be required of you.
If much is entrusted to you,
much will be expected of you.”

If God were to open the doors for me to quit my current job, in order to focus on our business, would I be faithful? I say that I would be, yet here I am, in the small things, right where we wants me today, and grumbling like the Israelites! (Numbers 14:2)

It is my job to live in a way that pleases God and makes Him eager to bless me. (Malachi 3:10)

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How about you, friend? Is there something God has called you to do today that you’re struggling to do with a pure heart? I would love to hear how you are working through your time of waiting.

 love satin2

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I enjoy linking up with these (4) fabulous communities:
coffee for your heart-Button-250x250whitespace-badge3 word wednesdayWords-of-Life-200