In last week’s post “Be All There” I shared about my full-time job and my lack of peace in leaving yet, in order to work full-time on our business.
In 2012, when my husband and I first started Pelfreybilt Off-Road, God spoke this promise to me:
“I will always provide”
He didn’t say He would provide sometimes, or maybe, or if I prayed hard enough, He said always. And He has always made good on that promise, even when it looked like bills would not be paid. Always, God provided.
As you know, I typically post on Wednesday or Thursday, but this week that didn’t happen because I’ve been wrestling with God over this promise, and my fear of letting go and fully trusting Him.
I’ve been saying in one breath that I trust God and that He’s never failed me, yet in the next breath saying I’m afraid of letting go of a full time job that comes with the (false) security blanket of a steady income!
The reason I haven’t had peace about leaving my job, is because I’ve been waiting for peace to come after the black and white of our finances proved to me that God will provide. Instead of putting my complete trust in the One who promised to provide, instead of choosing to find my security in the only One who is secure, I’ve been clinging to something fleeting & temporary.
I have been clinging to my job for stability, instead of clinging to the Ultimate Stabilizer, the very one who stabilized the raging storms with three small words: “Peace, Be Still” (Mark 4:39)
False security and fear stems from unbelief in Jehovah Jireh, Our Provider. (Genesis 22:14)
In my prayer time, God asked me “How can I fully bless you, when you won’t let go long enough to embrace what I’m giving you?” He showed me, my lack of faith in His provision, has caused me to cling so tightly to my false security, that I couldn’t see the life and joy I was squeezing right out of my hands!
These have been the words of my heart as of late, as I desperately cling to false security.
I just started reading Hands Free Mama, by Rachel Macy Stafford, and in her intro she says these words:
“How do I do it all?
I miss out on life-that’s how I do it all.
I miss out on what truly matters;
and what I miss, I can’t get back.”
After wrestling with God, I actually sat down and looked over our finances and for the first time, began to see, that we truly could afford for me not to work anywhere but in our business. God also opened my eyes to see the LIFE and JOY I will be regaining by taking this leap of faith!
I’m tired of missing out, so I’m letting go, friend! I gave my verbal resignation to my employer on Friday and will be leaving October 31, 2014. (I’m helping with the hiring, training & transition process)
The peace and JOY that now floods my heart and mind is inexpressible! I’m getting my life back, the one God has so richly blessed me with; I’m taking it back and releasing my fears to the One who holds my tomorrows and who promises to provide today!
I am truly in the best hands and so are you, sweet friend, so are you!