My Heart, His Words

Let the Words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your site, O Lord.


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When Your Dream Looks Different Than You Imagined

It’s funny how we imagine our dreams to look one way, yet they turn out looking totally different, isn’t it?

I imagined that working from home would give me a set schedule with set hours. Having a set schedule would enable me to pack my hubby’s lunch, and make his morning coffee, see him off to work and then do my morning devotions. I envisioned doing my morning exercise routine, having breakfast and getting myself ready for the day. After that, I’d be ready to work; stopping for lunch and taking breaks to play fetch with our two beautiful dogs, while doing laundry, keeping the house clean and prepping for dinner!

That’s not at all how my day looks! The dream of being an at-home business owner, while playing super-wife, super-woman and super-step mama, is not super-REAL! Instead, it’s super-HARD!

That schedule I thought I would have? Turns out it’s not as easy to maintain now that I don’t have an employer’s time clock to punch! Instead, my new schedule requires that I am accountable to myself. My new schedule requires that I set my own boundaries so I’m not answering business emails during meal time, quite time, or family time. Not giving in to the constant pull of social media, trying to dictate my every move in order to make a sale, has proven to be a big challenge to my boundary setting and my personal journey to rest.

If I’m honest with myself I have to admit, the dream I had in my head looks totally different than I envisioned. Is that bad? No. However, it’s certainly more difficult than I thought it would be.  All the people I worked with for the past seven years? I miss them; they became family to me and I miss that connection.  That time clock I punched? While I didn’t like having to punch in daily, now that I don’t have to, I miss the familiarity and consistency of knowing my hours and expectations.  That set paycheck? I miss that too; it’s no longer the responsibility of my employer, rather it’s become my personal responsibility!

Bottom line? I’ve been feeling as if the entire weight of responsibility is on my shoulders and it’s been killing me! I’ve cried a lot, stopped writing, or reaching out to my friends, all in an effort to not to be a burden to anyone, but the truth is, I’m sad and feel like I’m walking this journey alone.  While I know I’m right where God wants me, it still makes me feel like the new kid in town. This dream turned out to be very different than I imagined and this change is difficult and painful.

The amazing and beautiful thing about this journey is that, in my honesty before God, He always meets me in a powerful way.

The other morning while I was doing my devotions, as I shared my fears, worries and sadness, the Holy Spirit whispered these words to my heart:

“You don’t have to try so hard.
My provision is a promise I gave you;
It’s not something you can attain.
I will always provide~trust me”

Isaiah 43:19 has become one of my favorite verses, as I choose to cling to His promises.

psalm 43.19

I share all this with you in an effort to provide you with some encouragement. Regardless of where we are in our dream, if God calls us there, He will not only qualify us, but provide for us, and He will BE everything we need. He is doing a new thing & making a way where there seems to be no way.

Thank you for your love, support and encouragement along my journey; it is comforting to know I have you in my corner, praying for me and cheering me on; I hope to provide the same for you!

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