Last month I was gifted with the opportunity to attend a week long Woman’s Retreat. Oh did I ever need this retreat; for the unplugged time away, as well as the Biblical teaching, worship, prayer and healing that took place.
The past five months have been hard for not only for me, but for my Mom as well, as we are newly learning how to embrace the loss of her independence, coupled with a complete role reversal. I’d like to say that it’s been an easy transition, after losing my Dad together, but the truth is, it’s been one of the hardest transitions either of us have endured together. On one hand, she’s struggling accepting that while her mind is still as sharp as a tack, her body is failing her more and more each day. On the other hand, while I am watching my mom’s body deteriorate and her fighting to keep her independence, I am losing my mom and best friend.
There were so many truths I took away from the women’s retreat, but the overall experience is what I’m currently focusing on. The way God used that mountain top experience to prepare me for this next, hard season is amazing to me! While I’ve known my mom’s cancer journey would get more difficult, I didn’t realize five, four or even one month ago, that I’d be navigating it alone and without help from my siblings, all while being 1,300 miles away from my husband!
I think that is one of my favorite hashtags to use these days: #butGod. I love it because of it’s simplicity and boldness. I love it for it’s power and might while being short and concise. #butGod encompasses all that is my life right now! My being utterly powerless to this cancer journey. My inability to fix or plan anything. My absolute need to completely rely on God to carry my Mom and I through this time. Because regardless of how broken we are, how failing our bodies are, and how insignificant we feel, GOD is all we need and only He has the ability to navigate through the muck and mire and lift our downcast faces toward Him. Where we fail, God excels! Where we are weak, God is strong. Where we lack, He provides. #butGod
So as I sit here, with tears streaming down my face, my heart heavy for the burden my mom is carrying, all I can seem to think is how immensely grateful I am!
- Grateful to be sitting here beside my Mom during this time
- Grateful for a husband who supports me wholeheartedly
- Grateful for family and close friends to pray, love, support and encourage me
- Grateful that God has made a way for me to actually be here with my Mom
- Grateful for the health that affords me to help my mom
- Grateful for the memories we’re making together
- Grateful for the peace that surpasses all my understanding
- Grateful God is carrying me through this time
I was made for this; for such a time as this. All that God has allowed into my life the past forty years has been in preparation for this moment. I didn’t know it, nor did I have a clue what was coming, #butGod did and in His sovereign mercy He has given me all I need (and more) to not just get through this difficult time, but to grow through this time and ultimately for Him to be glorified through it all.
#trulyblessed #trulygrateful #butGod
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