My Heart, His Words

Let the Words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your site, O Lord.


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You’re in Better Hands

taking my life back

In last week’s post “Be All There” I shared about my full-time job and my lack of peace in leaving yet, in order to work full-time on our business.

In 2012, when my husband and I first started Pelfreybilt Off-Road, God spoke this promise to me:

“I will always provide” 

He didn’t say He would provide sometimes, or maybe, or if I prayed hard enough, He said always. And He has always made good on that promise, even when it looked like bills would not be paid.  Always, God provided.

As you know, I typically post on Wednesday or Thursday, but this week that didn’t happen because I’ve been wrestling with God over this promise, and my fear of letting go and fully trusting Him.

I’ve been saying in one breath that I trust God and that He’s never failed me, yet in the next breath saying I’m afraid of letting go of a full time job that comes with the (false) security blanket of a steady income!

The reason I haven’t had peace about leaving my job, is because I’ve been waiting for peace to come after the black and white of our finances proved to me that God will provide. Instead of putting my complete trust in the One who promised to provide, instead of choosing to find my security in the only One who is secure, I’ve been clinging to something fleeting & temporary.

I have been clinging to my job for stability, instead of clinging to the Ultimate Stabilizer, the very one who stabilized the raging storms with three small words: “Peace, Be Still” (Mark 4:39)

False security and fear stems from unbelief in Jehovah Jireh, Our Provider.  (Genesis 22:14)

In my prayer time, God asked me “How can I fully bless you, when you won’t let go long enough to embrace what I’m giving you?”  He showed me, my lack of faith in His provision, has caused me to cling so tightly to my false security, that I couldn’t see the life and joy I was squeezing right out of my hands!

Lifeless

Joyless

Empty

Miserable

These have been the words of my heart as of late, as I desperately cling to false security.

I just started reading Hands Free Mama, by Rachel Macy Stafford, and in her intro she says these words:

“How do I do it all?
I miss out on life-that’s how I do it all.
I miss out on what truly matters;
and what I miss, I can’t get back.”

After wrestling with God, I actually sat down and looked over our finances and for the first time, began to see, that we truly could afford for me not to work anywhere but in our business.  God also opened my eyes to see the LIFE and JOY I will be regaining by taking this leap of faith!

I’m tired of missing out, so I’m letting go, friend! I gave my verbal resignation to my employer on Friday and will be leaving October 31, 2014.  (I’m helping with the hiring, training & transition process)

The peace and JOY that now floods my heart and mind is inexpressible!  I’m getting my life back, the one God has so richly blessed me with; I’m taking it back and releasing my fears to the One who holds my tomorrows and who promises to provide today!

I am truly in the best hands and so are you, sweet friend, so are you!

love satin2


7 Comments

Be All There

wherever you are-be all there

Last week I wrote about waiting, and focused the post on my current wait for a baby.  What I didn’t mention is that, in addition to waiting for a baby, I am also waiting for God to open the doors for me to lay aside my full-time job, so I can start working full-time from home, on the business my husband and I run together (Pelfreybilt Off-Road).

When I read Jim Elliot’s quote, the verse from Luke 16:10 came to mind:

“Whoever can be trusted with very little
can also be trusted with a lot.
Whoever is dishonest with very little
is dishonest with a lot.”

In all honestly, my attitude has been less than desirable lately. I go to bed and wake up dreading work, and while I’m there I’m often grumbling under my breath about being there.

I’ve been asking God to deliver me from the current mess at my work, while asking Him why He hasn’t opened the doors for me to leave, so I no longer have to balance two jobs, while caring for my family.  I see Him moving mountains and opening doors; our business is growing and I see light at the end of the tunnel.  However, I just don’t feel at peace quitting my job, yet. So I Wait.

When I read the quote by Jim Elliot my heart sank.

How can I ever expect God to bless our business, and honor the fruit of my labor, if only part of my labor is done with a pure heart?

How can God bless me, when I’m cursing him, through my actions of disbelief, by not exhibiting a good attitude where He has called me to serve, today?

As confident as I am that God will be moving me on soon, God cannot bless when my heart is impure, my actions are lacking integrity, and I am failing to be faithful in the small things He has called me to, for this season of my life.

In the past, my Mom and I have discussed how certain challenges, often present themselves as tests. If we fail them the first time, we have to keep repeating them until we pass!  That said, until God finds me faithful in the small things, the mundane things, and the less desirable things, He cannot bless me with the bigger things.

The flip side of Luke 16:10 comes from Luke 12:48:

“If you are given much,
much will be required of you.
If much is entrusted to you,
much will be expected of you.”

If God were to open the doors for me to quit my current job, in order to focus on our business, would I be faithful? I say that I would be, yet here I am, in the small things, right where we wants me today, and grumbling like the Israelites! (Numbers 14:2)

It is my job to live in a way that pleases God and makes Him eager to bless me. (Malachi 3:10)

* * * *

How about you, friend? Is there something God has called you to do today that you’re struggling to do with a pure heart? I would love to hear how you are working through your time of waiting.

 love satin2

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I enjoy linking up with these (4) fabulous communities:
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So I Wait

a no today often means a yes is on the way

Anyone who knows me, knows the biggest dream of my heart is to be a mother, so I keep reminding myself that God is using this time of waiting to move mountains before He releases His little angel into our care.  As much as I cling to that hope, and God’s promise to grant the desires of my heart, I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you that I wake up each morning with a sadness for what is to come, yet has not arrived.

These days I am clinging to Psalm 27:13:
“I would have lost heart, unless I had believed
That I would see the goodness of the Lord
In the land of the living.”

So I Wait.

I am daily reminded of God’s goodness & faithfulness.

I talk to a sweet friend who experienced infertility for many years before having 4 children of her own. Another dear friend of mine thought having a baby was part of God’s plan, yet instead she was called to be a word mama and years later became the proud mama to an adopted 20 year old young lady! A new friend struggled with infertility and adoption, and is on this journey of waiting right along side me.

The point? I am not alone and neither are you!

Many of us are waiting together, so I want to whisper to your heart: the journey of waiting doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong.

Did you catch that?

Just because God doesn’t give us our “yes” right now, doesn’t mean we’re doing anything wrong, or that we’re failing some test we think He’s giving us.  Life is simply not designed to be viewed with the natural eye.  Jesus says in Matthew 11:15He who has ears to hear, let him hear.” 

My understanding of this scripture is not that it means to “listen up”, rather it means to “tune in” to His heart for us; to hear His voice for us, to follow His call on us, and to have His ears in all circumstances of our lives. To be ONE with The One Who’s heart beats for us and Who longs to give us all good things. (Matthew 7:11 NLT)

A “no” today, often means a “yes” is on the way.

I look back on my life and how God answered my prayers with firm “no’s”.  At the time I couldn’t understand why He said “no”, but now I see more clearly and can truly embrace with confidence that His timing is perfect, even when it’s not mine and even though I may not understand.

So I Wait.

 “But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.”.
Isaiah 40:31 NKJV

Friend, whatever you are waiting for, trust the One who planted the desire in your heart, and hold fast to the hope that in His perfect time He will grant the desires of your heart.  In the meantime, keep walking this journey and keep being YOU!

love satin2

* * * * *

I enjoy linking up with these (4) fabulous communities:
coffee for your heart-Button-250x250whitespace-badge3 word wednesdayWords-of-Life-200


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A Priceless Treasure

priceless treasure

Amidst the lies from Hollywood, television, magazines and social media, we often lose site of this one truth:

We are Priceless Treasures, Ransomed by the blood of Jesus.

We get caught up trying to please others, in one way or the other, and forget that Jesus is the only One Who was pleased with us enough to pay the ultimate ransom to set us free from the lies that bind us.

Over the years I have heard a recurring theme from woman around the world.  We’re all struggling to embrace Truth about these earthen vessels we’ve been given!

The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 4:7, “But this beautiful treasure is contained in us—cracked pots made of earth and clay—so that the transcendent character of this power will be clearly seen as coming from God and not from us.”

We are Priceless Treasures!

Perfection isn’t what makes a treasure priceless, it’s creator does! The care put into crafting something; the passion and love contained in each stroke, bend, or melt. The time and sacrifice of the creator makes the unique one-of-a-kind treasure priceless.

Jesus, as our Creator, is the Beholder of beautiful, and when He says, “It is good” He means it.

When we reject His truth about us, we make a mockery of Him.  By embracing the lies, we are telling Him that what He did for us on the Cross, the ransom He paid for us, wasn’t enough; that He should have done more! {that’s a painful realization!}

* * * *

We may have been lied to from the time we were children; told we were lazy, wouldn’t amount to anything, or that we were ugly.

We may have been wounded in ways no one, or few people know.

We may still be embracing the lies spoken over us, but we have a choice, right here and now.

We can either continue embracing the lies of the enemy, or we can surrender those lies to the Savior & embrace His truth!

We are Priceless Treasures

Jesus didn’t pay the ultimate ransom for trash, He paid it for treasure: for you and for me. He paid it because He saw a vessel He could use for his glory. A vessel, cracked with the frailty of humanity, yet when fully yielded to Him is Priceless & Pleasing in His sight. Through our cracks and imperfections, the Creator shines His light in the most beautiful ways. 2 Corinthians 12:9-11

Whatever lies you have held on to about who you are, what you are, or how you look, now is your time to surrender them to the Savior & embrace His truth:

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL

YOU ARE CHERISHED

YOU ARE LOVED

YOU ARE A PRICELESS TREASURE

love satin2

Note: The graphic I created, as well as the theme of this blog post was inspired by the words shared with me by my sweet friend Ashley

* * * * *

I enjoy linking up with these fabulous communities:
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Journey to Rest (Week 4)

psalm 66 9-10For many years, I maintained a prayer journal on a daily basis; praying for wisdom, guidance, and for those I loved. I wrote through the good times, and I wrote through the painful times; times where tears soaked the pages of my journal, threatening to erase the words I had written.

Truth be told, there’s a part of me that struggles with writing in a journal now, because I associate it with a darker time in my life; a time when my journal was the only place I could share the raw truth of my heart. My journal became my safe haven; the place where I begged God for mercy and deliverance, forgiveness, and healing.

If I am completely honest, there’s a part of me that has tried to simply erase my past by throwing away years of journal writings.  Yet there’s also a part of me that needed to throw them away, to let go of my past so I could embrace the blessings of today.

Like Bonnie Gray, I sometimes struggle with letting go of things that hold memories of moments shared. Yet sometimes, the things I’m holding on to, are the very things that are binding me; holding me back from experiencing the blessings of today.

I needed to be reminded that the scars of my past are okay; they are proof that there was pain, just as they are proof that there is healing.  To me, letting go of the journal writings was an outward display of an inner working. I was surrendering my past to the One who sets me apart from my past and sets my feet on higher ground; to a Journey of Rest.

Friend, I don’t know where you are, or what is behind you, but I just want to remind you of Who’s you are and where you are today! God doesn’t take us through the fire to let us burn, He takes us through the fire to refine us.  Please do not allow the enemy to steal your rest, by keeping your past failures at the forefront of your mind.  Part of this Journey to Rest, is finding peace with our past, and embracing the present.  Our past doesn’t define us, it refines us!

* * * * * * * * * * *

I have decided to continue my Journey to Rest, beyond the originally set 4 weeks.  God is doing so much in my heart, and Bonnie’s book has so much more I want to explore.  I hope you’ll continue on this journey with me!

love satin2

This post is part of a series entitled, “Journey to Rest”. 
Previous Posts:
Week 1
Week 2
::A Pause::
Week 3

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

findingspiritualwhitespace_book

You may purchase Finding Spiritual Whitespace, HERE.

This post is part of the, “Finding Spiritual Whitespace Blog Tour”
which I am honored to be a member,
along with a group of soulful, journeying kindreds.
To learn more or to join us, CLICK HERE!
whitespace-badge#spiritualwhitespace

I enjoy linking up with these fabulous communities:
coffee for your heart-Button-250x250three word wednesdayWords-of-Life-200


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Journey to Rest (Week 3)

Beautiful red and yellow tulips in the spring time.  Shallow depth of field.

On my Journey to Rest, my absolute biggest struggle has been simply letting go.

Letting go long enough to REST.

The day I read this quote by Corrie ten Boom, the Holy Spirit reminded me of something.

The more tightly I hold on to the things that consume my time & energy, the less I accomplish and the more I fight God!

It’s never my intention to fight God, any more than it’s my intention not to rest, yet I do it!

This past weekend was a prime example of the beauty in rest.

I had a lot of accounting to do for our off-road business, so took the time to do that, then purposely stopped and treated myself to a mani/pedi.  Upon my return, my husband surprised me with a beautiful bouquet of my favorite sunflowers as well as a gorgeous card that even made me cry.

The time away, resting and enjoying alone time, provided my husband with the opportunity to bless me, as well as provided me with the opportunity to clear my head.  When I returned to working, my mind was renewed and I was able to focus and accomplish everything I needed to accomplish.

Too often I find myself holding on tightly to the things that need to be done, rather than forcing myself to let go; resting, praying & allowing God to renew my heart and mind.  I forge ahead on an empty tank, and wonder why things are more frustrating than they need to be, why I’m grumpy and snapping at my family and coworkers, or why I keep making mistakes and can’t seem to make any progress.

Corrie’s words serve as a beautiful reminder that everything, in our lives, is temporary, so hold on to them loosely, regardless if they are things or tasks.

Ecclesiastes 1:2 says it best:
Life is fleeting, like a passing mist. It is like trying to catch hold of a breath; All vanishes like a vapor; everything is a great vanity.

The only lasting thing we can cling to, is the steady hand of our Savior as we yield to His call to REST.

How about you? Do you struggle to rest? What do Corrie ten Boom’s words speak to your heart?  I would love to hear from you, as we Journey to Rest together.

love satin2

This post is part of a series entitled, “Journey to Rest”. 
Previous Posts:
Week 1
Week 2
::A Pause::

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

findingspiritualwhitespace_book

You may purchase Finding Spiritual Whitespace, HERE.

This post is part of the, “Finding Spiritual Whitespace Blog Tour”
which I am honored to be a member,
along with a group of soulful, journeying kindreds.
To learn more or to join us, CLICK HERE!
whitespace-badge#spiritualwhitespace

I enjoy linking up with these fabulous communities:
coffee for your heart-Button-250x250three word wednesdayWords-of-Life-200


13 Comments

Journey to Rest ::A Pause::

jesus is waiting

When I started Bonnie Gray’s book Finding Spiritual Whitespace, I had no clue where my journey would lead me, or what God would speak to my heart.  I did know however, that I wanted to make a blog series out of this book, and share my Journey to Rest with you.

My first post told you about a childhood experience that lead me to embracing a falsehood about rest.

My second post addressed a letter to my younger self, denouncing the lies I’ve embraced about not only rest, but also about myself as a whole.

As I’m learning to rest, I’m struggling, yet giving in & choosing to fully embrace the words Bonnie shares in her book:

“Jesus is Waiting.
I stop easily for others.
Will I stop long enough for me?”

So friend, I’m stopping for me.

This week, instead of forging ahead with my planned four-part series, I am pausing to REST.

I’m tired, weary & worn out. This week has held challenges I didn’t expect, along with the emotional & mental stress to be expected.  I need time to rest & fuel up again with Jesus, so I can share His goodness with you!

If you’re having a rough week as well, I hope you’ll rest with me & then meet back here again next week for part three of my Journey to Rest.

Praying you find shelter under the shadow of His wings. (Psalm 17:8)

love satin2

This post is a ::pause:: within a series entitled, “Journey to Rest”. 
Previous Posts:
Week 1

Week 2

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

findingspiritualwhitespace_book

You may purchase Finding Spiritual Whitespace, HERE.

This post is part of the, “Finding Spiritual Whitespace Blog Tour”
which I am honored to be a member,
along with a group of soulful, journeying kindreds.
To learn more or to join us, CLICK HERE!
whitespace-badge#spiritualwhitespace

I enjoy linking up with these fabulous communities:
coffee for your heart-Button-250x250three word wednesdayWords-of-Life-200