My Heart, His Words

Let the Words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your site, O Lord.


5 Comments

A Year of Believing

One year ago, today, I created this writing space and ventured into the unknown, sharing my heart and God’s Word.

A lot has happened in the past year and I would like to recap on a few key moments.

  • I started the year by setting three New Years Resolutions and am still working through the first one, been off and on with the second one, and with God’s provision, successfully achieved the third one! While it’s not 100% success, it’s still growth and for that I am excited!
  • I acknowledged the word God laid on my heart for 2014 as BELIEVE, as well as the phrase for my family as This is Only the Beginning.
  • I named two of my dreams: 1) Having a baby and 2) Writing, and continue to trust God’s timing for both while embracing the unnamed, yet now active dream of business ownership/self-employment.
  • God opened the door for me to co-lead an (in)courage small group for Step Mama’s. My obedience yielded personal growth, friendships, encouragement and support on my journey as a Step Mama.
  • I read through Bonnie Gray’s book Finding Spiritual Whitespace and started my personal Journey to Rest which has proven to be an area God is perfecting in my life!
  • Through my blog, God taught me many different lessons this year, but here are a few of my favorites:
    • The place where I am most vulnerable, the place where I am the purest, is a place where the tears flow freely and my heart-message can be heard. When Tears Fall
    • “Trust me. Trust my timing. I’m never early, I’m never late. My ways aren’t your ways; they are better. Trust me.” {God} What’s Next?
    • To LOVE is to be at War with the enemy Guest post for Holley Gerth
    • The journey of waiting doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. So I Wait
    • “I will always provide” {God} You’re in Better Hands
    • “How do I do it all? I miss out on life-that’s how I do it all. I miss out on what truly matters; and what I miss, I can’t get back.” Hands Free Mama
    • Believing God isn’t about seeing the results today! Believing God is about seeing His direction today and trusting His promises for tomorrow! Choosing to Believe

2014 was a year of actively living my belief in God’s provision, and day after day God remains faithful to his promise!

I stand in awe of His goodness, provision, strength and protection over me and my family.

As I face 2015, I can’t help but wonder what God has in store.  Whether it be rain or shine, sickness or health, prosperity or loss, “My God shall supply all my needs according to His Riches in Glory by Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:19)

With only two days until the start of a new year, I am still unclear as to what my word of the year will be, or what phrase God has for my family. However, Philippians 1:6 is a verse I am clinging to as I step into the new year!philippians 1 vs6Thank you for an amazing year! I pray God’s richest blessings be yours in 2015!

love satin 2015


6 Comments

Not Right Now

I’ve talked a lot lately about the journey of transition I’m currently walking and friend, it’s a hard road, let me tell you.

Amidst these changes, I am struggling to have words from my heart, or even the time to share, in this beautiful space.

I keep hearing Jesus whispering to my heart, “not right now” and it’s been a bit difficult for me to embrace.  In all honesty, I’ve been fighting it, not wanting to let go; scared I’m going to miss out!

I am a passionate woman! I put my heart and soul into everything I do, or I don’t do it at all.  I love writing, so not having the words, or time to do so, has been painful.  Laying it down and trusting God’s timing is truly a test of my faith.

Yet that is what I’m doing.

While I’m not closing my blog, for this season, I cannot commit to the weekly postings I’ve done in the past.

I need your mercy.

I need your understanding.

I need your support and prayers.

Because, I need to walk in obedience, and honor God’s call on my life at this time.

Instead of writing here; instead of pouring my heart into my blog… He is calling me to use that same passion to grow Pelfreybilt Off-Road, Inc, and use my gifts to do so.

This isn’t the way I envisioned my dream of writing turning out. {God asking me to pause from it}

However, I couldn’t be more thrilled about this new chapter. Business ownership makes me incredibly proud! It too is a life-long dream, that because of God’s blessing and my husband’s brilliant mind, I get the opportunity to run a business with him!  It’s a humbling and honoring chapter of my life and I want to give it my very best.

I refuse to hold on to what is comfortable.

I refuse to hold on to what was once desired.

Instead, I’m choosing to reach out, in faith, and cling to the hand of Jesus as He leads me forward.

Instead, I’m letting go of my preconceived notions and trusting God with each of my tomorrows.

Less planning. Less earthly stability.

More Jesus. More security.

You see, my life is not my own-it was bought with the Ultimate price, and I cannot live it modestly.

I am choosing to live it vivaciously!

“Lay It Down” written by Jaci Valasquez, truly captures this season of my life and I hope it will bless you as much as it’s blessing me.

Thank you for your love and encouragement. God has richly blessed me your loving heart, surrounding and covering me in prayer & I covet that so much right now.

Until Next Time.

With Love,

Satin

 


10 Comments

Choosing To Believe

butterfly on many flowers

My last two posts have been about my struggle to fully be where I am and to release my control and fear to Jesus, clinging to His promise to always provide.

The word God impressed on my heart as for 2014, was believe. (Read more here)  God whispered to my heart, that this would be the year to take my belief from a verbal statement, to an action; a movement, a calling.

It amazes me how God always prepares His children for what is to come, even with just a word, if only we will have ears to hear!  Eight months ago I had no idea that I would be quitting my job of seven years to pursue our business full time!

Two weeks ago when I tendered my resignation to my employer, I had full intentions of working full-time through October 31st, helping with training and transition.

However, last week was horribly stressful for me. I ended up at home with migraines 2 of the 5 work-days. The stress of resigning, while still trying to keep everyone happy was taking it’s toll on my body, and God’s direction became clearer than ever: let go & fully believe His promise to provide.

When my heart says yes, sometimes God says no.

My heart longs to please people, and to be secure, yet God is asking me to let go of both.

I’ve never fully understood God’s ways, I just know them to be the best, so I often find my self blindly following His lead, while shaking my head dumbfounded at why!?

Before tendering my resignation, I had looked over our finances and felt confident that we could afford for me to quit on October 31st. I knew, “in the future”, God would need to provide, but we were good “until then”.

Quitting earlier than I had intended, puts me in a tail spin of head shaking and questioning why God is asking me to quit now and not when it looks to be easier! I am smiling as I type this, because truth is, believing God isn’t about seeing the results today! Believing God is about seeing His direction today and trusting His promises for tomorrow!

So on Monday, I revised my resignation, told my boss that Friday (tomorrow) would be my last day working full-time and that I’d be willing to work 20 hours a week until the end of September, in order to help with the training & transition.

I had to let go. I had to choose to believe God’s promise to provide and I had to accept “no” from my boss. The initial rejection of my offer hurt at my deepest core. It made me feel worthless and unappreciated.  I struggled feeling guilty for choosing obedience to God & my overall health & happiness, over choosing my boss.

However, as a result of my obedience and acceptance of God’s no, God changed my bosses heart! He found value in my position and accepted my gracious offer to help with the training and transition, and on my terms (God’s terms!).

When God promised He would always provide, He never promised it would be easy to believe that promise, but submitting to His will and choosing to believe, always yields the best results!

I am so grateful for this current chapter of my life; the one where God is teaching me the beauty of believing! I look forward to this next chapter and all He has in store for me and my family!

Thank you for your words of encouragement, love and prayers-you’re such a blessing to my life!

How may I pray for you, friend?

love satin2

 

* * * * *

I enjoy linking up with these (3) fabulous communities:
coffee for your heart-Button-250x250whitespace-badge3 word wednesday

 


16 Comments

You’re in Better Hands

taking my life back

In last week’s post “Be All There” I shared about my full-time job and my lack of peace in leaving yet, in order to work full-time on our business.

In 2012, when my husband and I first started Pelfreybilt Off-Road, God spoke this promise to me:

“I will always provide” 

He didn’t say He would provide sometimes, or maybe, or if I prayed hard enough, He said always. And He has always made good on that promise, even when it looked like bills would not be paid.  Always, God provided.

As you know, I typically post on Wednesday or Thursday, but this week that didn’t happen because I’ve been wrestling with God over this promise, and my fear of letting go and fully trusting Him.

I’ve been saying in one breath that I trust God and that He’s never failed me, yet in the next breath saying I’m afraid of letting go of a full time job that comes with the (false) security blanket of a steady income!

The reason I haven’t had peace about leaving my job, is because I’ve been waiting for peace to come after the black and white of our finances proved to me that God will provide. Instead of putting my complete trust in the One who promised to provide, instead of choosing to find my security in the only One who is secure, I’ve been clinging to something fleeting & temporary.

I have been clinging to my job for stability, instead of clinging to the Ultimate Stabilizer, the very one who stabilized the raging storms with three small words: “Peace, Be Still” (Mark 4:39)

False security and fear stems from unbelief in Jehovah Jireh, Our Provider.  (Genesis 22:14)

In my prayer time, God asked me “How can I fully bless you, when you won’t let go long enough to embrace what I’m giving you?”  He showed me, my lack of faith in His provision, has caused me to cling so tightly to my false security, that I couldn’t see the life and joy I was squeezing right out of my hands!

Lifeless

Joyless

Empty

Miserable

These have been the words of my heart as of late, as I desperately cling to false security.

I just started reading Hands Free Mama, by Rachel Macy Stafford, and in her intro she says these words:

“How do I do it all?
I miss out on life-that’s how I do it all.
I miss out on what truly matters;
and what I miss, I can’t get back.”

After wrestling with God, I actually sat down and looked over our finances and for the first time, began to see, that we truly could afford for me not to work anywhere but in our business.  God also opened my eyes to see the LIFE and JOY I will be regaining by taking this leap of faith!

I’m tired of missing out, so I’m letting go, friend! I gave my verbal resignation to my employer on Friday and will be leaving October 31, 2014.  (I’m helping with the hiring, training & transition process)

The peace and JOY that now floods my heart and mind is inexpressible!  I’m getting my life back, the one God has so richly blessed me with; I’m taking it back and releasing my fears to the One who holds my tomorrows and who promises to provide today!

I am truly in the best hands and so are you, sweet friend, so are you!

love satin2


7 Comments

Be All There

wherever you are-be all there

Last week I wrote about waiting, and focused the post on my current wait for a baby.  What I didn’t mention is that, in addition to waiting for a baby, I am also waiting for God to open the doors for me to lay aside my full-time job, so I can start working full-time from home, on the business my husband and I run together (Pelfreybilt Off-Road).

When I read Jim Elliot’s quote, the verse from Luke 16:10 came to mind:

“Whoever can be trusted with very little
can also be trusted with a lot.
Whoever is dishonest with very little
is dishonest with a lot.”

In all honestly, my attitude has been less than desirable lately. I go to bed and wake up dreading work, and while I’m there I’m often grumbling under my breath about being there.

I’ve been asking God to deliver me from the current mess at my work, while asking Him why He hasn’t opened the doors for me to leave, so I no longer have to balance two jobs, while caring for my family.  I see Him moving mountains and opening doors; our business is growing and I see light at the end of the tunnel.  However, I just don’t feel at peace quitting my job, yet. So I Wait.

When I read the quote by Jim Elliot my heart sank.

How can I ever expect God to bless our business, and honor the fruit of my labor, if only part of my labor is done with a pure heart?

How can God bless me, when I’m cursing him, through my actions of disbelief, by not exhibiting a good attitude where He has called me to serve, today?

As confident as I am that God will be moving me on soon, God cannot bless when my heart is impure, my actions are lacking integrity, and I am failing to be faithful in the small things He has called me to, for this season of my life.

In the past, my Mom and I have discussed how certain challenges, often present themselves as tests. If we fail them the first time, we have to keep repeating them until we pass!  That said, until God finds me faithful in the small things, the mundane things, and the less desirable things, He cannot bless me with the bigger things.

The flip side of Luke 16:10 comes from Luke 12:48:

“If you are given much,
much will be required of you.
If much is entrusted to you,
much will be expected of you.”

If God were to open the doors for me to quit my current job, in order to focus on our business, would I be faithful? I say that I would be, yet here I am, in the small things, right where we wants me today, and grumbling like the Israelites! (Numbers 14:2)

It is my job to live in a way that pleases God and makes Him eager to bless me. (Malachi 3:10)

* * * *

How about you, friend? Is there something God has called you to do today that you’re struggling to do with a pure heart? I would love to hear how you are working through your time of waiting.

 love satin2

* * * * *

I enjoy linking up with these (4) fabulous communities:
coffee for your heart-Button-250x250whitespace-badge3 word wednesdayWords-of-Life-200


18 Comments

So I Wait

a no today often means a yes is on the way

Anyone who knows me, knows the biggest dream of my heart is to be a mother, so I keep reminding myself that God is using this time of waiting to move mountains before He releases His little angel into our care.  As much as I cling to that hope, and God’s promise to grant the desires of my heart, I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you that I wake up each morning with a sadness for what is to come, yet has not arrived.

These days I am clinging to Psalm 27:13:
“I would have lost heart, unless I had believed
That I would see the goodness of the Lord
In the land of the living.”

So I Wait.

I am daily reminded of God’s goodness & faithfulness.

I talk to a sweet friend who experienced infertility for many years before having 4 children of her own. Another dear friend of mine thought having a baby was part of God’s plan, yet instead she was called to be a word mama and years later became the proud mama to an adopted 20 year old young lady! A new friend struggled with infertility and adoption, and is on this journey of waiting right along side me.

The point? I am not alone and neither are you!

Many of us are waiting together, so I want to whisper to your heart: the journey of waiting doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong.

Did you catch that?

Just because God doesn’t give us our “yes” right now, doesn’t mean we’re doing anything wrong, or that we’re failing some test we think He’s giving us.  Life is simply not designed to be viewed with the natural eye.  Jesus says in Matthew 11:15He who has ears to hear, let him hear.” 

My understanding of this scripture is not that it means to “listen up”, rather it means to “tune in” to His heart for us; to hear His voice for us, to follow His call on us, and to have His ears in all circumstances of our lives. To be ONE with The One Who’s heart beats for us and Who longs to give us all good things. (Matthew 7:11 NLT)

A “no” today, often means a “yes” is on the way.

I look back on my life and how God answered my prayers with firm “no’s”.  At the time I couldn’t understand why He said “no”, but now I see more clearly and can truly embrace with confidence that His timing is perfect, even when it’s not mine and even though I may not understand.

So I Wait.

 “But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.”.
Isaiah 40:31 NKJV

Friend, whatever you are waiting for, trust the One who planted the desire in your heart, and hold fast to the hope that in His perfect time He will grant the desires of your heart.  In the meantime, keep walking this journey and keep being YOU!

love satin2

* * * * *

I enjoy linking up with these (4) fabulous communities:
coffee for your heart-Button-250x250whitespace-badge3 word wednesdayWords-of-Life-200


4 Comments

When You Feel Like Throwing In The Towel

the word of god i live

Ever have days, when life is beyond overwhelming? When there’s too many tasks & people needing you “right now” and the most important things in your life seem to be suffocating beneath the towel you’re contemplating throwing in!?

Parenting is HARD; step-parenting is harder, and sometimes I honestly feel like throwing in the towel & running for cover!

To read the rest of this post, please join me over at 5 Minutes for Faith where I am honored to be a contributing writer.

love satin

I also enjoy linking up with these communities:

coffee for your heart-Button-250x250three word wednesday

Words-of-Life-200