When Your Dream Looks Different Than You Imagined

November 19, 2014
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When Your Dream Looks Different Than You Imagined

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It’s funny how we imagine our dreams to look one way, yet they turn out looking totally different, isn’t it?

I imagined that working from home would give me a set schedule with set hours. Having a set schedule would enable me to pack my hubby’s lunch, and make his morning coffee, see him off to work and then do my morning devotions. I envisioned doing my morning exercise routine, having breakfast and getting myself ready for the day. After that, I’d be ready to work; stopping for lunch and taking breaks to play fetch with our two beautiful dogs, while doing laundry, keeping the house clean and prepping for dinner!

That’s not at all how my day looks! The dream of being an at-home business owner, while playing super-wife, super-woman and super-step mama, is not super-REAL! Instead, it’s super-HARD!

That schedule I thought I would have? Turns out it’s not as easy to maintain now that I don’t have an employer’s time clock to punch! Instead, my new schedule requires that I am accountable to myself. My new schedule requires that I set my own boundaries so I’m not answering business emails during meal time, quite time, or family time. Not giving in to the constant pull of social media, trying to dictate my every move in order to make a sale, has proven to be a big challenge to my boundary setting and my personal journey to rest.

If I’m honest with myself I have to admit, the dream I had in my head looks totally different than I envisioned. Is that bad? No. However, it’s certainly more difficult than I thought it would be.  All the people I worked with for the past seven years? I miss them; they became family to me and I miss that connection.  That time clock I punched? While I didn’t like having to punch in daily, now that I don’t have to, I miss the familiarity and consistency of knowing my hours and expectations.  That set paycheck? I miss that too; it’s no longer the responsibility of my employer, rather it’s become my personal responsibility!

Bottom line? I’ve been feeling as if the entire weight of responsibility is on my shoulders and it’s been killing me! I’ve cried a lot, stopped writing, or reaching out to my friends, all in an effort to not to be a burden to anyone, but the truth is, I’m sad and feel like I’m walking this journey alone.  While I know I’m right where God wants me, it still makes me feel like the new kid in town. This dream turned out to be very different than I imagined and this change is difficult and painful.

The amazing and beautiful thing about this journey is that, in my honesty before God, He always meets me in a powerful way.

The other morning while I was doing my devotions, as I shared my fears, worries and sadness, the Holy Spirit whispered these words to my heart:

“You don’t have to try so hard.
My provision is a promise I gave you;
It’s not something you can attain.
I will always provide~trust me”

Isaiah 43:19 has become one of my favorite verses, as I choose to cling to His promises.

I share all this with you in an effort to provide you with some encouragement. Regardless of where we are in our dream, if God calls us there, He will not only qualify us, but provide for us, and He will BE everything we need. He is doing a new thing & making a way where there seems to be no way.

Thank you for your love, support and encouragement along my journey; it is comforting to know I have you in my corner, praying for me and cheering me on; I hope to provide the same for you!

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  1. Simply Beth on November 19, 2014 at 6:08 AM

    Hello, sweet friend. Wishing we were closer so I could give you a big hug right now. I dislike that I have not been better about staying in touch. Thank you for sharing the realness of where you are at right now for it allows us to come along side of you in prayer and hopefully through words of encouragement too. God is always with us and oh how He provides. I pray He continues to shower you with His love and the love of others. I love you. xoxo

  2. Barbie on November 19, 2014 at 6:47 AM

    Oh Satin! I am here for you (and so sorry that I haven’t checked in). I am so thankful you posted and shared your heart so that I know how to lift you up in prayer. Praying that God will lift this burden, this weight, that you are carrying. I too wish I could scoop you up into a big hug! Love you friend!

  3. susieklein on November 19, 2014 at 7:06 AM

    This post could have been written by me. Working from home is very hard and can get pretty isolating. I used to work in a busy, fun ministry office building. Loved it! Miss it.
    But you and I both know we are doing what is right for now, and maybe for the long-haul, who knows? Thank you for the encouragement to remember why we are doing it. Recalling His promise to provide goes beyond money. He will provide purpose, friends and self-discipline, right? Hang on, we are here for one another!
    Susie

  4. Mary on November 19, 2014 at 7:54 AM

    You are up to the challenge Sweet D&BF! Walking with you and praying for you. Love you to the moon, beyond and back. ((((( YOU)))))

  5. Laura Rath on November 19, 2014 at 8:44 AM

    Hi Satin,

    “I’ve been feeling as if the entire weight of responsibility is on my shoulders and it’s been killing me! I’ve cried a lot, stopped writing, or reaching out to my friends, all in an effort to not to be a burden to anyone, but the truth is, I’m sad and feel like I’m walking this journey alone.”

    Different circumstances and situation, but I feel like I am right there with you! Some (most) days it is more than I can handle. But God! He always provides what we need for that day, even when it’s the ability to bite my tongue, dry the tears, or be there for someone else when it feels like no one is there for me. I know God has me where I need to be right now, and that in and of itself give reassurance.

    I’m glad you shared…
    Laura

  6. enthusiasticallydawn on November 19, 2014 at 11:22 AM

    Hi Satin,

    So glad you shared – and I get the crying, alone-ness, and the burden bearing. But, I am learning even still (as you are ) that He is Faithful. Oh, so Faithful. With you in the battle, and on the journey. Much, love- In Christ, Dawn

  7. Alecia on November 19, 2014 at 2:16 PM

    Hey Satin! Oh that verse in Psalms, one of my favorites. Just wanted to let you know I’ve been thinking of you and YOU’VE GOT THIS!

    I remember when I decided to be a stay at home mom, I never expected the change to be as hard as it was. There were some days I found myself scrolling through the want ad’s bc I didn’t think I could do it. But I did, and now I look at it as one of the best decisions I’ve ever made!

    Love you!!

  8. Ginger Biggs Harrington on November 19, 2014 at 6:59 PM

    I can only imagine the added pressure of trying to run a business from home in addition to house, family, and blogging, and everything else. May God continue to meet you in this place of unexpected difficulty with treasures only He can provide.

  9. Maria Marino on November 21, 2014 at 7:12 AM

    And this, my beautiful friend, like you say is just the beginning. The beginning of something wonderful the good Lord has planned for you long ago. This is a rough spot in your God-sized Dream but the dream is unfolding. It’s hard and painful now but you have already seen how God comes through for you in a powerful way. What I like about you is how you listen to His voice and live in obedience to what you hear. That will get you through, bear fruit and find joy in the morning while God makes a way in the wilderness and streams in the desert in the new thing He’s doing in you. Thank you for including us in your dreamy journey! xo

  10. Sharon O on November 21, 2014 at 5:00 PM

    It’s hard to be self employed but it is definitely worth it once you get in to a routine. God will bless you and it will be something that you will look back someday and with a wonderful smile say. “Oh it was so worth it.”
    You made a good choice now just be patient.

  11. sarahgirl3 on November 23, 2014 at 6:08 AM

    I hate how satan tries to isolate us and make us think no one cares, when in fact many people do. You are being obedient and using your gifts the way God wants, and He will honor that. You will get the hang of it!

  12. Lovelle Gerth-Myers on November 25, 2014 at 10:59 PM

    Satin,
    You are wise beyond your years. Thank you for this reminder. I really needed it today. God bless… <3

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Satin Pelfrey

Satin is a writer, wife and stepmom encouraging others through the hard days, bringing the Scriptures alive through life-application and drawing them closer to Jesus.

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